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Letters to Landlords

Allegedly genuine extracts from letters sent to landlords:

• I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
• The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing their balls on the roof.
• This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
• The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
• I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
• I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
• Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
• I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
• I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.
• The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
• The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
• Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
• Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
• Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.
• Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
• I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.
• Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
• I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
• When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

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