could it happen here?

The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting pissed at me.

Me:
"Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
Staff:
"Is that it?"
Me:
"Yep."
Staff:
"That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
Me:
"No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]

At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and

Staff:
"Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.

Staff:
"Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager:
"No. A what?"
Staff:
"A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager:
"Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
Staff:
"Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says

Staff:
"We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
Me:
"Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
Staff:
"I don't know."
Me:
"See here where it says legal tender?"
Staff:
"Yeah."
Me:
"So, shouldn't you take it?"
Staff:
"Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and...

Staff:
"He says I have to take it."
Manager:
"Doesn't he have anything else?"
Staff:
"Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
Manager:
"I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE." [my emphasis]
Staff:
"What should I do?"
Manager:
"Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
Staff:
"I can't tell him that, you tell him."
Manager:
"Just tell him."
Staff:
"No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says

Manager:
"Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.]
Me:
"Well, here's a two."
Manager:
"We don't take *those* either."
Me:
"Why the hell not?"
Manager:
"I think you *know* why."
Me:
"No really, tell me, why?"
Manager:
"Please leave before I call mall security."
Me:
"Excuse me?"
Manager:
"Please leave before I call mall security."
Me:
"What the hell for?"
Manager:
"Please, sir."
Me:
"Uh, go ahead, call them."
Manager:
"Would you please just leave?"
Me:
"No."
Manager:
"Fine, have it your way then."
Me:
"No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]

Security Guard:
"Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
Manager:
"This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
Security Guard:
"Really? What?"
Manager:
"Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
Security Guard:
"Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
Manager:
"I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Security Guard:
"So, the fifty's fake?"
Manager:
"NO, the $2 is."
Security Guard:
"Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
Manager:
"I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
Security Guard:
"Yeah..."

Security guard walks over to me and says

Security Guard:
"Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
Me:
"Uh, no."
Security Guard:
"Lemme see 'em."
Me:
"Why?"
Security Guard:
"Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said

Me:
"I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says

Security Guard:
"Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
Manager:
"It's fake."
Security Guard:
"It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager:
"But it's a **$2** bill."
Security Guard:
"Yeah?"
Manager:
"Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.

My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.