"No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and
- Staff:
- "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
- Staff:
- "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
- Manager:
- "No. A what?"
-
- Staff:
- "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
- Manager:
- "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
-
- Staff:
- "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says
- Staff:
- "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
- Me:
- "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
-
- Staff:
- "I don't know."
- Me:
- "See here where it says legal tender?"
-
- Staff:
- "Yeah."
- Me:
- "So, shouldn't you take it?"
-
- Staff:
- "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and...
- Staff:
- "He says I have to take it."
- Manager:
- "Doesn't he have anything else?"
- Staff:
- "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
- Manager:
- "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE." [my emphasis]
- Staff:
- "What should I do?"
- Manager:
- "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
- Staff:
- "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
- Manager:
- "Just tell him."
- Staff:
- "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says
- Manager:
- "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm
and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall
with 100 other stores.]
- Me:
- "Well, here's a two."
- Manager:
- "We don't take *those* either."
- Me:
- "Why the hell not?"
- Manager:
- "I think you *know* why."
- Me:
- "No really, tell me, why?"
- Manager:
- "Please leave before I call mall security."
- Me:
- "Excuse me?"
- Manager:
- "Please leave before I call mall security."
- Me:
- "What the hell for?"
- Manager:
- "Please, sir."
- Me:
- "Uh, go ahead, call them."
- Manager:
- "Would you please just leave?"
- Me:
- "No."
- Manager:
- "Fine, have it your way then."
- Me:
- "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone
around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area,
and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this
45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a
whisper]
- Security Guard:
- "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
- Manager:
- "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
- Security Guard:
- "Really? What?"
- Manager:
- "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
- Security Guard:
- "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
- Manager:
- "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
- Security Guard:
- "So, the fifty's fake?"
- Manager:
- "NO, the $2 is."
- Security Guard:
- "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
- Manager:
- "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
- Security Guard:
- "Yeah..."
Security guard walks over to me and says
- Security Guard:
- "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
- Me:
- "Uh, no."
- Security Guard:
- "Lemme see 'em."
- Me:
- "Why?"
- Security Guard:
- "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said
- Me:
- "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing
at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and
says
- Security Guard:
- "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
- Manager:
- "It's fake."
- Security Guard:
- "It doesn't look fake to me."
- Manager:
- "But it's a **$2** bill."
- Security Guard:
- "Yeah?"
- Manager:
- "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it
dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon
things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see
what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people,
I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.
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