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Cold is relative
- 10 degC - Melbournians turn on the heat. People in Canberra plant gardens.
- 4 degC - Sydney residents shiver uncontrollably. People in Canberra sunbathe.
- 2 degC - Italian cars won't start. People in Canberra drive with the windows down.
- 0 degC - Distilled water freezes. Canberra water gets thicker.
- -7 degC - Sydney people wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Canberra throw on a T-shirt.
- -9 degC - Queenslanders begin to evacuate the state. People in Canberra go swimming.
- -18 degC - Melbourne landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canberra have a last bbq before it gets cold.
- -23 degC - People in Perth cease to exist. People in Canberra lick flagpoles.
- -29 degC - Sydney people fly away to South Pacific islands. People in Canberra throw on a light jacket.
- -40 degC - Darwin disintegrates. People in Canberra rent videos.
- -51 degC - Mt. Hotham freezes. Canberra Girl Guides begin selling Guide biscuits door to door.
- -62 degC - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Penguins leave Antarctica. Canberra Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
- -73 degC - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Canberra put on a coat.
- -114 degC - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Canberra get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
- -183 degC - Microbial life start to disappear. Canberra cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
- -273 degC - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Canberra start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
- -296 degC - Hell freezes over. Canberra wins the soccer.
