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Cold is relative

• 10 degC - Melbournians turn on the heat. People in Canberra plant gardens.
• 4 degC - Sydney residents shiver uncontrollably. People in Canberra sunbathe.
• 2 degC - Italian cars won't start. People in Canberra drive with the windows down.
• 0 degC - Distilled water freezes. Canberra water gets thicker.
• -7 degC - Sydney people wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Canberra throw on a T-shirt.
• -9 degC - Queenslanders begin to evacuate the state. People in Canberra go swimming.
• -18 degC - Melbourne landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canberra have a last bbq before it gets cold.
• -23 degC - People in Perth cease to exist. People in Canberra lick flagpoles.
• -29 degC - Sydney people fly away to South Pacific islands. People in Canberra throw on a light jacket.
• -40 degC - Darwin disintegrates. People in Canberra rent videos.
• -51 degC - Mt. Hotham freezes. Canberra Girl Guides begin selling Guide biscuits door to door.
• -62 degC - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Penguins leave Antarctica. Canberra Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
• -73 degC - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Canberra put on a coat.
• -114 degC - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Canberra get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
• -183 degC - Microbial life start to disappear. Canberra cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
• -273 degC - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Canberra start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
• -296 degC - Hell freezes over. Canberra wins the soccer.